here comes the cleanse

Tomorrow I start the 21 day MediClear cleanse. For some reason I'm far more nervous than last year. Maybe I don't feel ready. Maybe food has been my big emotional lifejacket for the past 6 months or so. Maybe I'm afraid that paying attention will feel like TOO MUCH.

Not sure, really.

I know I need to do this, that I need to return to paying attention, to caring, to taking the time and energy to do something for me. It feels vital, really. So I want to make room, to make space, to have a plan, even. I might go so far as to write down all the things I can eat, just so I don't feel weirded out and desperate, although there's no need, really.

There are plenty of things to eat without GLUTEN, SOY, DAIRY, CORN, TOMATOES, PEANUTS, SHRIMP, COFFEE, TEA, ALCOHOL, EGGS.

I remember this cleanse being the most delightful re-energizing and resetting for me. I know my body is ready for it-- it's just my mishmashed emotions that seem a little wobbly. Some of that comes from having retreated from the I CAN of the past to a very unsure place. And perhaps all it requires is a very deliberate stepping out of one space and back into the other. Will. Nerve. Desire.

Tomorrow I'll start to see where I'm really at.