ditto-ish

I try not to *compare* myself or my experiences with my bloggo partner's...after all, we are each on our own path, and reserve the right to observe and ponder without someone dragging along behind us saying "yes, oh yes, exactly" all the live long day. But honestly, Stine nailed much of the way I've been feeling with her "ready for a comeback?" post. Because of various stressors on my life and my time, I've allowed myself to slip back into the "don't have energy to worry about what I eat" place, and I'm unhappy about it. See, I want to take time to fuel my body properly. I want to discover new ways of creating balanced meals that are good for me and environmentally aware. I want to feel stronger, sexier, leaner. And there is nothing stopping me from doing this save for...me.

My sister called me this past weekend to say that she is joining Weight Watchers. She asked our Mom to join with her, and of course Mom did, even though she's not terribly overweight. "She asked me to do it," said Mom. "And I'll do whatever it takes to help her." I told my sister that it would take some work planning, but that I truly believed WW was the best weight loss program out there. "I know," she replied. "I just have to cut up celery sticks and have them ready..."

I smiled. Part of me knows that my sister is "old skool" when it comes to weight loss. I fear that she will alter her eating habits too abruptly, start eating like a rabbit and quickly burn out. "It's not that I'm not aware of how to eat healthy," she said. "I just make bad choices."

Perhaps. But it's also about portion control and retraining the brain and perserverance and patience. It's about being pretty ravenous for at least a couple of weeks as your body adjusts to a new way of fueling itself. It's about MOVEMENT. When all things are working in concert, it's a high unlike any other. But like all things in life, there are some golden days, and some shit days. Waiting in the wings, scheming, are frustration and apathy, and they like to try to pull the rug out from under you at all the wrong times. I do feel very fortunate that I can circle with my ROARS sisters and find support and love there. My sister plans to go to meetings and feels that she needs that accountability...sometimes I think I could use it too. Regardless, I hope my sister is able to stick with a plan and not give up too soon. Once you start to lose, you gain momentum, and it's easier to stay motivated. I want her to see results, but most of all, I want her to FEEL better.

In the meantime, I'm going to make every effort to track my food this week. I'm going back to my personal trainer for a refresher. S. and I are starting a cleanse on February 2, so I'm working toward "prepping" my body for that. There's a pot of optimistic, hopeful stew on the stove, and it smells mighty fine.