Fall, Fatigue, Fitness and (self) Flagellation

The last few days I've been musing on seasonal weight gain (or swag, as I like to call it). I put on weight around this time last year, so it does feel cyclical. But to what extent is my behavior the governing factor, and how much is sheer physiology-- this primal reaction to cold and darkness and the fading energy all around me? I think the only way to make it through this without too much (self) flagellation is to acknowledge what I'm working with/up against.

• Fall. The change of seasons is, I think, significant. Colder weather sends signals (be they conscious or not) to bundle up, to hunkerdown, to get a little padding on for the cold months ahead. I am uncertain of the extent to which my body follows this lead and adjusts metabolism, etc. accordingly. If I were a robot and only ate the exact same thing every day, exercised the exact same amount (and intensity), then we might have an answer. But alas, I'm variable.
• Fatigue. Along with the shorter days and the cold, there's a slowing down. Couple this with being tremendously exhausted from the last, oh, six months of overworking, and I'm tired. I still ride all those miles each week, but my tendency to push hard has faded. I'm moving slower. I'll also admit that exhaustion has led to some poor food choices, to a drop in the vigilance that is my relationship to eating well/healthfully.
• Fitness. No, I haven't been downing tubs of bon-bons. So I'm also curious about how fitness plays into this, as I'm also in better shape than I was a year ago. I'm wondering if maintaining my level of fitness requires constant pushing. It would make sense that after a year of cycling 45 minutes (which has turned into 35) into work, the exertion required in that period has diminished. Simply put, I may not be trying as hard as I did a year ago. Since I really can't ride much faster (safety and fatigue are issues), increasing mileage might be an answer. That's once the fatigue fades.
• (self)Flagellation. Perhaps the biggest challenge of all is to not beat myself up over all of this. Sure, I'd like to be in my ideal range all year 'round, but how feasible is that? What can I do that's nurturing and constructive with all this information? I can remain conscious, but will I feel continual disappointment if the scale isn't where I want it? Will I feel tired of having to work so hard, to remain conscious, to put out the extra effort when I already feel so damn tired ( and inattentive, I might add)?

Last winter I gave myself an extra 5 pounds to work with. I acknowledged that this might just be part of the annual cycle, and sure enough, when spring and summer came, I didn't need it anymore. I'll likely do the same thing this year-- that means I still need to watch it-- but finding a level my body can maintain and struggling against myself when my body is tired and resistant are two different things.

Here's to finding--- you guessed it-- balance.