between the idea and the reality

from The Hollow Men, by T.S. Eliot

V

Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o'clock in the morning.

Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow

For Thine is the Kingdom

Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow

Life is very long

Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The idea that I am grossly,
morbidly, terribly

obese. The reality
that I am not. Yet

yearning to be seen and longing
to be lost in a throng

unnoticed but for something
as insignificant as glasses, or red clogs.

My stomach does not
have its own agenda

though at times it seems
to grow out from me

like a baby or a tumor
might. Horror at the sight

of it there, the disbelief --
is this mine?

First recoiling
then remembering

how this tape on rewind
play rewind play

this tape of subtle
and not-so-subtle hate

only leads me back
and back and back again

to the idea that my fat
is my fate.

And so I have taken
to talking to the gut

tapping it, then opening
my palm and caressing it.

There there, sweet stomach.
It's not your fault.

Growl. Hiss and bubble.
Blame matters not

when this hunger, far from respose
is wide awake and careening

from fridge to cupboard
to fridge to drawer

certainly there must be
something to put in this mouth!

Between the idea
and the reality

calls the stomach.
Between the motion

hand to chips
and the act

slap hand
falls the shadow

Life is so very
very short.

Oh 32 ounce water bottle.
Oh mega mega tea cup.

Please, I beg you
please, fill me up.