yours in struggle/what it means to be me

Lately, I've not had a smooth go of it. I'm not horribly off track, or anything-- just feeling like it's a struggle to get enough exercise and to be reasonable about what I stick in my mouth. This doesn't mean I've been eating poorly, or eating junk, but I've wanted to eat poorly junk. So it feels like I'm working hard at keeping afloat, rather than getting down with my synchronized swimming routines. And maybe it's that's it-- I'm lacking a routine. I've felt rather limbo-like since school ended, and I haven't really resumed (or rediscovered) my daily rhythm. I need that. I need to get where it all just kind of happens. It happens with my help, of course, but I can slip into the footprints I've laid before. So I need to break a new trail.

Synchronized swimming, breaking trail-- perhaps I can compromise and imagine a kind of free-from swimming thing in an alpine lake?

I think I need a little patience for myself right now. I think I need to accept that all I need and all the routine I crave will come soon-- as long as I keep my eyes open. Underwater, even.