what if?

this morning on the way to the bustop, before I checked my voicemail and found out my oldest friend's father passed away and then felt the freedom of crying about it while walking in the rain, I was thinking about the seasonality of weight. So I'm gonna go there again now, hours and hours later.

I guess it just occurred to me that we are not static beings. Like the seasons, we take on energies and changes and this fall/winter thing, instead of feeling constantly at odds with a few extra pounds, why can't I just embrace them as part of the cycle? I'll tell you why (it seems) I can't:
I don't believe it's just for the season.
I don't believe (in my head) that I'm connected to the natural world.

I think it's time for me to re-envision weight as it relates to time. Is there really anything wrong with allowing my body this (say, 5 pound) weight as I make my way through a cold, wet somewhat less active season. Can I trust that my energy and vibrancy will return in full when the days grow longer and warmer and brighther? What would it mean to accept myself as I am, 5 pounds heavier than my ideal, knowing that the winter is a less than ideal time for me, that it's not about being all that I can be, but rather, resting, restoring, being a bit more sedentary than I might like, but perhaps perhaps perhaps that's a natural cycle?

Is it?

Can I live with myself without being at odds? Can I accept this, accept me, as I am right now without it being an excuse or a segueway into ye old slippery slope of "I don't need to weigh myself anymore and I don't care" or whatever. What if I give myself permission? And what if I give myself the same permission to work my way back to 170 when the energies permit?

How will I know? I guess I'll have to find out...