the work of friends

Recently my cousin asked me "how do you have so many friends? I think you're amazing that way."

I was somewhat taken aback by her comment, as it came out of the blue. I think I responded with something like "I work at it."

And I do. Human beings are my species and I am fascinated by them, how they interact, how we interact with one another, how we may try and convince ourselves that we don't :need: other people to make us feel whole and loved, when in fact we are not meant to be solitary creatures. We cannot live in isolation from our fellow humans for too long; the mind plays tricks on us, and we begin to believe our own mythology. Which is dangerous.

Our friends are our audience. They can be harsh critics. They can also heap mountains of praise on us when we least expect it and most need it. And then there are the friends who, barring death, will not give up on us. I thought I was that kind of friend until I realized that I was throwing away energy that could be better used elsewhere. And so I am reevaluating my friendship work ethic, and asking hard questions of myself that go something like "are you getting morsels when you really need a full meal?"

See, I got food in there somewhere.