babies'r'not'us
this post removed by the "holier than thou" author
posted by forward hope @ 8:33 AM
4 comments
chewing the fat
a dialogue on weight and weight loss-related issues...and other ramblings
8.11.2008
Previous Posts
- Eighth Month, Seventh Day
- what we talk about when we talk about love
- the day after
- dealing (with the unwelcome return of what damn ne...
- There's an I in Irony
- wherein Stiney throws herself down on the floor, w...
- Planning for the Unknown.
- catching my breath
- my big ol' chronic ailment
- at long last, a photo not taken by me!
4 Comments:
As I read your words, I could see your own parents, especially your father; "hear" his voice coming out of your "mouth". Am i totally off base here? No offense intended. It just sounds so angry and yes, holier than thou. And that is how you present your dad when you present him.
Please don't stab me through the heart for bringing this up.
Maddy
And yes: Kids require you to dig deeper than you've ever dug before if you desire them to grow up feeling loved and seen, healthy in body, mind and spirit. And every year they are on the planet, it gets easier as they move towards their own independence. The first years are hard.
Seems you learned something about yourself this weekend. I think the work is what are you going to do with what you have learned.
xo
Stab you through the heart? Nah. I don't see myself as "holier than thou"--I'm not BETTER than my friends who have kids, I'm just different, and have made different choices. And yeah, in some ways I am exactly like my dad--it's the classic bind--I CAN be very intractable, and in this particular instance, I am coming across as angry because, in some ways, I am. I've lost one of my best friends and yeah, it saddens me and it pisses me off. I never said I was the most patient person, hence my hesitancy in having kids. This was one of those blogs I had to write in order to GET OUT all the weird mojo I'm feeling. I try to keep in mind that I don't know the REALITY of childrearing; what I know is what it's like to see your friends change (seemingly for good) as a result of it. And that's hard. How, then, does one grieve the loss? And, I guess the bigger question is, why is it okay for those with kids to accept that loss so readily? ("Because your kids are the most important thing in your life," say parents.) It's hard to be the one left behind. You're right...I did learn something about myself this weekend. And I don't like these feelings, but here they are.
{{{{FoHo}}}}
Guess I'm late to this one. It's interesting about being left behind--I always felt left behind while my freer friends seemingly went on with their "wonderful" lives. I guess it's the human condition to feel alone and left, at least it seems that way to me.
AND--thank you for the beautiful letter!!! I am so happy to receive it. I'm savoring it as I read it quickly right before work, so now I am sitting down. I'll get my pen and paper out soon...
xoxoxo
Ellie
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