soul food

Jillian looks out toward Boulder
that's me and the Kitten (my car)

the lovely indian peaks

My friend Jillian was here this past weekend. It was a quick trip, but the timing could not have been better, as I really needed to hang with someone who knows me well and has for a very long time...I needed that history, a gauge of sorts, a person I love and trust who can say to me (and I'll believe it) You're doing just fine. It was so easy to be with her, no expectations, no fear of rejection or slips, just openness and laughter and honesty and WINE. Lots of wine.

Jillian summed it up well when she wrote this to me yesterday: "Great to be reminded of who I am, of who you are, of why it is that I have been and continue to be drawn to you and your friendship for 19 years - great to be reminded that silence as well as thoughts and words will always be comfortable and appreciated with you. . . great to be reminded of what love can do to and be in peoples lives. Oh how much I value and love you. . . thank you from the bottom of my being."

It was a heart-filling weekend, one that will sustain me for a long time (I hope!)The only challenge (if I can even call it that) during her visit was that J. has been doing Atkins since before Thanksgiving (she's lost 30 lbs...amazing...I am very proud of her) so her diet is seriously limited. She pretty much ate the following: meat (in the form of roast beef and turkey); cheese; breve lattes; veggies and meat. And cheese. (And three and four and...) We cooked one big meal on Saturday that consisted of my garlic lemon baked chicken thighs, coconut thai rice (basically jasmine rice that's cooked in lowfat coconut milk then tossed with cilantro, lime, rice wine vinegar and a little fish sauce) and J. whipped up two veggie extravaganzas-- roasted asparagus and green onions and a stir-fry utilizing some roasted eggplant I'd cooked off that morning tossed with red peppers and broccoli. Both were delicious! J., of course, had about a TBSP of rice but hey, that's her call...she had one small sip of beer (the first she'd had in over three months) and I made my lowfat soy pancakes on Saturday morn (she had about 1/4 of it, which was perfectly fine with me) but for the most part she stuck to her guns. When we went up to the mountains I packed meat, cheese, no bread, sliced red pepper strips, an Ezekiel tortilla (for me), almonds and some dijon. She seemed genuinely appreciative. Heck, I figured a couple days of high protein eating couldn't hurt!

Here's the thing: J. is well aware that once she starts back with the carbs (which she will, it's only a matter of time, me thinks) she's walking a tight rope, and her body might put back on some weight. I think she needs to reach a point of acceptance with this, and do her best, in the meantime, to figure out how to achieve BALANCE in her eating, so she can stop depriving herself of the things she loves. J. has always been a big meat and cheese girl, so Atkins is right up her alley in some ways, but it's too restrictive, and it doesn't teach you how to eat in the real world. Now that J. has dropped the baby weight and seems to feel better about herself, I'm confident that she can make adjustments without falling into a vat of french bread and beer. Plus, if I were her, I'd be ready to ditch the nightly dose Metamucil and flax seed oil (maybe I'd keep a little of the latter) in exchange for regular bowel movements. But that's never been my problem. I'm as regular as Sunday Mass.

I respect Jillian for the path(s) she has chosen...they may not be right for me, as I think Atkins is downright dangerous, but I give her huge props for discipline and for working through some serious post-partum depression and coming out the other side shining, as she always has, warming all who know her. I love her so, and I'm glad she's my friend, and I'm grateful that she cared enough to make the trip from San Diego to Denver, even with a baby at home with tonsillitis. Jillian, if ever you read this, know that your visit was the soul food that I so desperately needed, and know that I accept you for all that you are, all your meat-n-cheese eating self, all your struggles with cigarettes, the self-doubt, the fears, everything. You are golden to me. You are an angel come to remind me that I am loved, and that I love, well.