thirteen ways

On the heels of a parental visit...

Thirteen Ways of Looking at Food
(with all due respect given to Wallace Stevens)

I.

Beneath the ragged cap
of the Rocky Mountains
I begin my day with too much food.

II.

Worthiness cast aside
by those who can handle
food responsibly
and because I struggle
I am but a speck they spit and ignore.

III.

At the sushi restaurant, he falls
into a chair because his knees
work poorly. I wince in anticipation
of the chair breaking, see the men
at the table behind us widen their eyes
in fear of this hulk of a man
falling towards them
this man, this father, who cannot
see food as anything other than comfort
as anything other than art
ingested

VI.

What is the use?
The albatross of food
the necessity of survival
even those who lose
must plod along, fearful
up one pound, down two
stop short of goal
still post everyday
because they cannot loosen
the grip food has on them
and I wonder why
any of us bother
when there's no end in sight
and the scale
hangs like a noose
'round our days

V.

Amalgamation of two
this stomach, hers
these legs, his and hers
these hands, his
these eyes, hers
this legacy
love and disdain
for food
unfettered
under God
indivisible

VI.

At what cost this weight
carried for decades
and if I should die young
scatter food at my feet
say
this is what she loved
and what killed her
say
this is the host of hosts
come to lighten the load
say
finally, free

VII.

In Great Britain
a boy of 8 weighs 218 lbs.
and authorities threaten to take him
from his family.
When I was 8
I was dieting with my mother
and Mrs. Dash was liberally
sprinkled on everything.
Had you asked me then
if I would rather go live someplace else
I would have said
without hesitation
yes.

VIII.

I hear the melody of an oven
clicking on, clicking off
and the chorus of leftovers
calls to me from
the great cold box from hell
that holds all means of destruction
and I try not to sing along
but for these siren songs
I would never eat food again
Oh to never eat food again
Leave just vapor and the words
But She Was So Beautiful In the End
ringing

IX

First food, flax seed waffles
peanut butter, a little jam
Second food, leftover pasta
cream sauce, salmon
pour off oil
add white rice and mix
third food
to be determined

X

Foodstuffs
Foodwise
Foodie
Foodishness
Whatever way you look at it
it's still food
and you're doomed
to eat and eat and eat

XI

My breasts rest
atop this first roll
of a food-filled stomach.
Excuse me, but there
is nothing here to love.

XII

Food, my first born,
go and sin no more.

XIII

I eat food all day and into the night.
Continued cold and snow
not a chance to move in sight
and there would be no mercy
but for those other voices,
there, well beyond the fear
beyond the need for constant nimiety
but for moving slowly toward the light